40 Days of Transformation | What I’ve Learned So Far

Tomorrow marks the 40th day of this transformation journey.

At the beginning, I thought the challenge would primarily test my discipline — workouts, nutrition, consistency, and mindset. While it did challenge all of those aspects, the more profound transformation occurred internally.

Over the past 40 days, I’ve had to confront a range of emotions stemming from changes over the years and face grief, betrayal, fear, pressure, control, exhaustion, insecurity, and spiritual struggles in unexpected ways.

This week in particular, during the final hours of a 48-hour fast, emotions were especially intense. Amid challenging work discussions, motherhood duties, fatigue, and the self-imposed pressure to “keep it all together,” I found myself being self-critical and questioning my adequacy in various areas of my life.

However, through prayer, scripture, fasting, and reflection, I came to an important realization:

Spiritual warfare often targets identity first.

Not necessarily through dramatic events — but subtly through thoughts: “You’re failing.” “You need to work harder.” "Do Better." “You’re losing control.”

Learning to pause, breathe, and reflect, and properly discern before reacting ensures that my actions are aligned. Not perfect, but progressing.

The disciples themselves faced fear, doubt, misunderstanding, and weakness. Yet Jesus continued to walk with them. That reminder deeply humbled me.

One of the deepest lessons from this week’s reading in Matthew 18 was not just the command to forgive “70x7,” but also the teachings around the trespassing brother and the unforgiving servant.

Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, "Until seven times; but, Until seventy times seven." Matthew 18:22

Jesus teaches that when a brother wrongs you, the initial reaction should not be revenge, public shame, gossip, or bitterness. Instead, it should involve wisdom, accountability, and directness. This involves addressing hurt with truth and humility while maintaining peace and integrity.

This message resonated deeply with me because one of the most challenging aspects of growth is learning to forgive without losing discernment. Forgiveness does not mean ignoring the pain that occurred. It does not involve allowing repeated harm or neglecting boundaries. It involves letting go of hatred, resentment, and the desire for revenge so that they no longer control your spirit.

Jesus then shares the parable of the unforgiving servant — a servant who was forgiven a massive debt, yet refused to show mercy to someone else over a much smaller one.

This story humbled me. Because when we reflect honestly, each of us has needed grace from God at various times in life.

We all fall short.

We all need mercy, patience, forgiveness, and compassion.

This transformation has also taught me that strength is not always pushing harder. Sometimes strength looks like:

• slowing down

• surrendering outcomes

• rusting God with what you cannot control

• remaining humble

• continuing forward one day at a time

I also realized I attached too much worth to performance and external validation. But God continues reminding me that my value does not fluctuate based on one difficult meeting, one emotional moment, or one person’s perception of me.

As I close these first 40 days, I feel grateful.

Not because everything is fixed.

Not because every prayer has been answered.

Not because the road ahead is easy.

But because I can see growth happening internally:

• more peace

• more discipline

• more awareness

• more emotional control

• more faith

• more surrender

Tomorrow may mark Day 40, but this journey is not ending here.

We continue to 90 days.

Mind.

Body.

Spirit.

One day at a time. :)