The Hardest Commandment: Loving Those Who Hurt Us

For this weekly reflection, I want to spend some time on one of the hardest commandments and speak to it not just from a spiritual lends but scientific.

If Jesus is our CEO, our number one value is:

Love God.

Love people.

Not just the easy people.

Not just the kind ones.

Not just the ones who show up for us.

All people. Even our enemies.

And if we’re being honest…that’s where most of us pause.

Because loving those who have hurt us, betrayed us, lied about us, or continue to move with ill intent—it doesn’t feel natural. It doesn’t feel fair. And for many, it doesn’t even feel possible.

I’ve had people say to me:“I could never do that. I don’t understand how you can love someone who’s done horrible things to you.”

Truthfully? It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to practice and something I am still learning.

What Love Actually Means (Biblically)

When the Bible calls us to love, it’s not talking about emotion—it’s talking about decision and posture.

In 1 Corinthians 13, love is defined clearly:

• Patient

• Kind

• Not envious

• Not proud

• Not easily angered

• Keeps no record of wrongs

  
  

That version of love isn’t passive. It’s disciplined. It’s intentional. It’s refined.

And in Matthew 5:44, Jesus takes it even further:

“Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”

Not tolerate.

Not ignore.

Love. Pray.

What Loving Your Enemy Is Not

Let’s be clear—because this is where people get it wrong:

Loving someone does not mean:

• Accepting abuse

• Ignoring boundaries

• Allowing disrespect

• Reconciling without accountability

  
  

Jesus loved deeply—but He also walked away, set boundaries, and spoke truth.

Love does not eliminate self-respect. It strengthens it.

What Loving Your Enemy Actually Looks Like

For me, this has been a daily, sometimes moment-by-moment practice:

• Praying for them — not for my benefit, but genuinely asking God to guide them, heal them, and grow them

• Choosing calm over reaction — not feeding into chaos or emotional spirals

• Releasing the need for revenge or validation

• Wishing them well — not harm, not downfall

• Seeing their actions as a reflection of where they are spiritually, not a measure of my worth

  
  

And often, I come back to what Jesus said on the cross:

“Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”(Luke 23:34)

That perspective shifts everything.

Because when someone is operating in hurt, insecurity, or darkness—they truly don’t see clearly.

The Science Behind Forgiveness & Love

Even outside of faith, science supports this practice in a powerful way.

Studies in psychology and neuroscience show that holding onto anger, resentment, and bitterness:

• Increases cortisol (stress hormone)

• Elevates blood pressure

• Impacts sleep and mental clarity

• Keeps the brain in a threat-response state

  
  

Whereas forgiveness and compassion:

• Activate the parasympathetic nervous system (calm state)

• Reduce stress and anxiety

• Improve emotional regulation

• Increase overall well-being and longevity

  
  

In simple terms:

When we hold onto hate, it harms us first. When we release it, we free ourselves.

This Isn’t Weakness — It’s Strength

Loving your enemy isn’t saying what they did was okay.

It’s saying:

• I refuse to carry what you tried to place on me.

• I choose peace over poison.

• I trust God with justice instead of taking it into my own hands.

  
  

That takes strength.

That takes discipline.

That takes faith.

Why This Matters Now More Than Ever

We’re living in a time where:

• Division is louder

• Anger spreads faster

• Judgment comes easier than understanding

  
  

But what if the shift doesn’t start “out there”?

What if it starts with us?

With choosing:

• Grace over reaction

• Compassion over assumption

• Love over ego

  
  

Not because people deserve it—but because we are called to it.

A Personal Reflection

I don’t fear that showing love and compassion will make me weak.

If anything, it’s revealed my strength.

Because my character is not built on how others treat me—it’s built on how I choose to respond.

And if even a small part of that love can:

• soften someone’s heart

• interrupt their pattern

• bring light into their darkness

  
  

Then it’s worth it.

This Week’s Intention

• Identify someone who has hurt you

• Release one layer of resentment

• Say a prayer for them (even if it feels hard)

• Choose one moment of calm where you would’ve reacted

  
  

Not for them.

For you.