Weekly Reflection | The Illusion of Control

This past weekend at church, the pastor said something that lingered with me long after the service ended: control is an illusion. At first, it sounded simple, but the more I sat with it, the more I realized how deeply it connects to every role I hold—mother, wife, daughter, and friend.

As a mother, I feel the pull of control every day. I want to protect my children from pain, smooth their paths, and make sure they feel safe and loved. But no matter how much I try to plan or protect, I can’t control how quickly they grow, the lessons life teaches them, or the world around them. My son’s birthday reminded me of this—time moves forward whether I’m ready or not.

As a wife, I’ve felt the illusion of control in my marriage too. I sometimes think if I just do or say the “right” things, I can avoid conflict, secure happiness, or keep everything steady. But love doesn’t thrive under control. It thrives under trust, grace, and showing up—even when things feel uncertain.

As a daughter, I’ve learned that I can’t control the choices my parents make or the paths they’ve walked. What I can do is love them for who they are and be grateful for the foundation they gave me, even if life didn’t always unfold the way I imagined.

And as a friend, I’ve realized that I can’t control how people show up in my life, how often they call, or whether they meet me where I am. Friendships ebb and flow. What I can control is how I show up for others—with kindness, presence, and love, without attaching strings or expectations.

The tighter I’ve tried to hold on in each of these roles, the more fear and anxiety I’ve felt. But when I loosen my grip, I make room for peace. Because control was never the point—connection was.

Letting go doesn’t mean giving up responsibility or care. It means choosing trust over fear. It means living with open hands, ready to receive the unexpected joys and even the challenges that shape us.

And here’s where faith enters. As the pastor reminded us, when we release the illusion of control, we make space for God. We acknowledge that His plan is greater than our own, and that His timing—though often mysterious—is always purposeful. Surrender isn’t weakness; it’s strength. It’s the courage to trust that even when we can’t see the full picture, God already does.

Whether as a mother, wife, daughter, or friend, I am learning that my worth is rooted in these connections and the capacity to love deeply, rather than the illusion of control. This realization is liberating, opening up a path to a more fulfilling and enriched life, where I can thrive not by managing every detail but by embracing the beauty of love and faith in all my relationships.